I read a quote today that made me cry real tears. It was sweet, yet true and gave me something to think about because lately, my life has not been in order. It's been chaotic, which if you knew me, you'd know that it's very unlike me to have chaos anywhere. It's pathetic, really. My room has little pamphlets on dealing with depression, messages of optimism, and sometimes, I even go so far as to scour Google, searching for "messages of hope" or "will someone ever love me?" answers so that I can feel not-so alone, sitting in front of this computer screen.
I think I'm losing it, quite honestly. I got into a car accident yesterday and I never get into car accidents. I'm always a very good and careful driver. Thankfully, no one was hurt from either party, but it was an accident all the same. Each thing I do carefully confirms my greatest fears: I am losing my mind. I don't know where else to turn or where to go or what to do. I keep myself busy with the study of disease and starting to make flashcards for the microbes that I have to memorize by Thursday. I read books on fantasy, on love, knowing that I'll never have my own fairytale (or faerie tale). And yet, I cry because I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going and I'm here and yet can't seem to get my feet on the ground anymore.
It's like the air is drowning me, and life is suffocating.
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