Forgetting

I have a problem with letting go. It's not so much as the letting part as it is the go part of the entire phrase. Letting things happen? Sure, I do that all the time. Letting this work their way out, letting life take its course--those things, I can do. But go? Going? Moving? Keep going? The "go" is what's difficult for me, especially since I harbor so much (or many) in my little heart. First world problems, yeah, but I don't know any others.

I find that I get frustrated, especially with friends and family who have done things or said things that hurt me. I become fixated on the pain, rather than the growth from it. So yes, in the end, I do end up growing, but the feelings of hurt and anger resonate a lot longer than they should. It's as if the essence of what was said forever remains, like a scar, something I'll never be able to forget. I think that's a problem sometimes, especially considering that I have to see some of these people more than I'd like to.

It's more intense than grudge-holding, I think. It's more like never forgetting. Forgiveness is harder to give than love, right? But forgetting? That's harder than having a baby. Remnants, an essence, the resonance of an event, a feeling, or even how that person made you feel, they'll always be with you.

And I kind of hate that.