Transitions

For the first time in my life (the first time that I can remember, anyways), I find myself at a giant crossroads. And the scariest part is that I'm actually realizing it and able to think about it instead of just coasting.

Tonight, I gathered with some of my closest friends from high school for our last summer dinner party before we all started heading back to school and was heartbroken because part of me realized that these friends--these people that I've held so dear to me for so very long--had begun to drift. And the worst part is that it wasn't they who were doing the drifting...

It was me.

That was the worst of it. I almost wish there had been a fight, some argument, some kind of drama that caused our rift but there isn't and there probably won't ever be because drifting is apparently part of growing up. I guess I sort of saw this one coming, especially this past semester when communication became infrequent an I found myself missing "them" less and less, however, that has also been part of our friendship for as long as I can remember, so much so that it made me wonder if I was imagining things. But no, this small dinner made me realize that my friends, while still my friends, were slowly becoming strangers.

It is my fault, of course.

I find myself preoccupied all the time with classes and work, meetings and workshops, committees and registration for every semester; my time doesn't seem to just get spent... it seems to get eaten on a regular basis and I don't mind it because I like keeping busy, but I always forget that the world doesn't stand still. And maybe, sometimes, while my world continues, theirs do also, just in a different way and in a different direction. And that happens. I tried to explain it to another one of my peers just the other night by saying something along the lines of "It's not like we're not friends, I think our relationships are just changing." The way we relate to each other has changed. The way we see each other has changed. The way we interact with each other has definitely changed. Good days, bad days, we're all different people and that's okay.

Regardless of the paths we choose and the way our worlds evolve, we're all part of the same universe. And that means you're still invited to my wedding.